Reflections on Sloth (not to be confused with sloths)

Today's sermon was about Sloth, as in the deadly sin and not the ADORABLE animal seen here.

If you're anything like me you'll take that to mean laziness but today's message had a really refreshing and encouraging point of view that I'd love to explore with you.

(Wall at Scripps. Not sure what made that pattern but I'm infatuated with the colors)

Today's message was about Sloth as anything that takes away attention from what really matters, which for me is God and people and essentially things that help me love God and love people. 

As of late I have been really feeling down about the fact that I feel like a nomad. I feel that I don't really have a place to call home. Sure, I have Salinas which is my hometown and I have a wonderful apartment in La Jolla where I currently live but I don' feel like I have a home. By that I mean a community where I feel fully saturated with love and understanding both at the place I live as well as the outer community.

You might be wondering why all the deeply personal junk, you're just here for the pictures after all. And if you are, I celebrate that! However, I felt a desire to share a bit more deeply because I am certain I am not alone and I hope that maybe these thoughts will bring comfort to others.

(Water at La Jolla Shores, I was standing in the water when I took this)

Today's message struck me because Matt, the pastor at Flood where I attend spoke of the fact that we allow our insecurities turn to sloth in that we give up doing things that matter because we fear rejection. Ouch! I truly felt as if he were speaking straight to my heart. 

In fact I've been afraid to get involved, reach out to make new friends, to be vulnerable because I fear rejection. This may seem normal but  in fact I am a very outgoing person generally who would not usually shy away from any social gathering or opportunity to help out but I have been choosing self-exile over the possibility of rejection. 

I'm aware that this doesn't help me feel connected and yet in a way it makes sense when you've faced rejection enough. When we allow our insecurities dictate our self-perception we are incapable of doing what God would want for us and we are also incapable of true happiness. 

( La Jolla Shores)

What then is the antidote to this cycle of rejection/isolation/sloth?

Well, in fact I believe it is taking a step back from our own fears and insecurities, a step back from the trivial and choosing joy and choosing God. I feel that we cannot truly find peace until we are willing to accept that a moment of discomfort, a little bit of tension might be able to make a big mark on the life that we live.

Some practical steps that I would like to take in this venture include getting more involved at church and in the community and stopping  the pity party in my head. 

(Scripps Pier)

Another thing that I found really interesting about the sermon today was that even good things can cause us to fall into this trap.

Things such as overworking ourselves, things like Church, things that when done with pure motive are good and in fact encouraged!  

(Waves crashing into the pier as the tide came in)

The most pressing personal application of this was the Daniel Fast that I have embarked on these past 3 weeks. I am finishing out day 21 today with only 1 conscious slip up on the guidelines (still maintained a vegan diet but today I ate delicious food that I know had some form of chemicals/sweetener because I was out with friends)

When I first got the idea for the fast my motives were mostly pure but as it has progressed I've realized that in fact my motives became less clear. I honestly didn't make much more time for God in my life and I did in fact get really hung out on the fact that I was not losing weight like other people I had known who've done the fast.

This problem is twofold. First and foremost this fast was not meant to be a diet. I should not have had any expectations of weight loss or improvement in physical appearance. In fact, I should have rejected this motive altogether.

Secondly, this should not have been a comparison game. The only person that I should strive to be is the best possible version of myself.   

In all I'd say that the fast was a positive experience but if I were to do it again I would really make a larger commitment to making this decision between me and God and not me and anyone else.

(Fun with exposure and saturation)

As a new day begins tomorrow I would like to make a conscious choice against sloth and for Joy.

The pictures in today's post were an attempt of mine to reject Sloth and choose joy. I have a bizarre distaste for going anywhere by myself. I have always hated to be alone and in particular in public. I have this idea that people will assume that I have no friends and that I am in fact unlovable. Do I assume this of other people that I see out alone? Absolutely not! However, it is a weird hang up that I have. 

Today I had a beautiful afternoon with no plans. I had gone to lunch with some lovely people and had resigned myself to loneliness for the rest of the day and self pity. However I knew that I couldn't allow myself to experience these feelings without doing something to combat them.

I also knew that I needed to get some exercise so I put on some beach appropriate clothes and went to the beach alone. I took a book, which I didn't end up reading and just walked back and forth across La Jolla Shores. And you know what?

It was lovely! 

The water was amazing and the view was spectacular. The cutest little girl saw me and said "Hi!" with all of the might she could muster which of course made her mother and I smile. 

I got to take some lovely photos which I could not have done from my home.

I got to have time with nature and with God.

If anyone has actually read this whole post I would love to hear your thoughts. How might sloth be affecting you? 

I hope you all have a lovely day!